This February 3rd is Time to Talk Day, the nation’s biggest mental health conversation where friends, families, communities, and workplaces are being encouraged to come together to talk, listen and change lives. And, as this article explains, it’s never been so important to use our conversational skills in an increasingly digital world. More and more of us are using texts and social media for business and social communication while the ‘art’ of actual conversation is under threat. But it wasn’t always like this.
Wasn’t it ‘good to talk’?
That was the advice given a few years back in those TV ads by that well-known telecom company – and before we had access to the smartphones, social media, and other communication tools that we have today. Digital technology, as the platform for so many varieties of social media is universal, and within a relatively short time has become embedded in our day-to-day lives, both at work and at home. Indeed, where would we have been these past two years without access to technology to enable us to work, communicate and go about our business? But are we communicating in a way that’s best for our mental health?
Digital communication and relationships
There is mounting concern that digital communication has adversely affected the intimacy of our relationships. Back in 2014 there was evidence that texting was overtaking telephone or mobile phone talking as the most popular form of communication. Gallup found that texting was the most common means of communicating with people under 50. There were fewer ‘engaging conversations taking place’ and instead rather clipped and somewhat transactional texts, with accompanying emojis becoming the major way in which we stayed connected.
Is social media making us less ‘social’?
Move forward to 2022 and we find that social media has grown exponentially, spawning so many different forms. A fascinating insight into the growth of social media, and its comparative utilisation by different age groups, is provided on the Statista website. Using a landline to telephone a friend is now seen as almost archaic, mobile phones have morphed into smartphones for a rich variety of social media platforms and their use for person-to-person conversations has diminished considerably. Highlights from the Statista site include:
- Social Media Penetration in the UK is at 88.51% (with advertising spend of over £3.6bn per year)
- There are 53million active social media users in the UK
- Children spend on average 40 minutes per day on Instagram
- 24% of people use Twitter, with over 40% accessing it more than 7 times per day
A particularly salutary statistic from Statista was that UK children spend on average 40 minutes per day on Instagram, that’s about 4 hrs 40 minutes per week. This compares to another survey conducted during 2021 showing that the UK family spends an average of just 4 hours per week in “quality time” together, including family mealtimes and activities together. Yes, we are more ‘social’ in terms of media, but we are having less spoken conversations.
A wake up call for real human communication
This is not to decry the value of social media, for information, fun, quick contacts, and there will be no stopping its relentless growth. But it should act as a wakeup call to all of us to take more time to ‘be present’ with our families, friends, workplace colleagues and neighbours. Notwithstanding the effects that digital devices have on our health and wellbeing, including quantity and quality of sleep and the impact on our cognitive processes, we risk losing the art of interpersonal or human communication. The irony is that we have never had so many positive ways in which we can connect to each other, yet our interpersonal skills are rapidly diminishing to be replaced by emojis, memes, screenshots, texting abbreviations and short-hand.
The skill of listening
The art of the conversation, the quality of listening and talking is being lost for adults and in danger of never being acquired fully by children. Their exposure to positive quality time in families is now less than the daily time spent staring at an app.
Talking and listening are fundamental skills to building relationships, to helping us to get to know one another, to spotting the signs when something is not quite as it should be. Active (generous) listening is a social skill and incredibly important. It helps us to prepare to listen, to observe the verbal and non-verbal messages that are being given and enables two-way dialogue and feedback for mutual understanding between the speaker and the listener.
Conversation and the workplace
Poor communication is one of the key reasons why leaders and managers fail to retain staff, why people feel isolated, excluded, or marginalised. That level of human contact is being lost and with it the opportunity to use engaging conversation, stimulating discussions with generous listening, to change lives, inspire businesses, increase understanding, and heal divisions. Being able to talk, being able to listen, and recognising the value of spending such quality time in such activity really does make a difference.
How to make conversations happen again
It is within our power to make this change happen for our own good and for the benefit of generations to come. The starting point is alarmingly simple but an enormous challenge to all of us. It is a question of creating the time and the space for conversations to happen — in the workplace, in the family home, in all our social settings. It is reclaiming some of that time now being spent on our devices and to say, “Talk to me, I am listening” and really mean it. Here are a few things to try:
- Make the time to talk. Not a hurried or snatched discussion but a planned time to talk, to listen, to share.
- Begin with a positive mindset, be relaxed and calm. Pay full attention on what is being said.
- Try not to argue or disagree. Respect others’ views and perspectives. Maybe ask questions to clarify and understand what is being said.
- Remember that expressing feelings does not come naturally to some so don’t expect people to change but instead show empathy and patience – arrange to talk again in a few days to keep the dialogue going.
The rewards of better communication
The good news is that we can all improve our communication skills, whether on screen or face to face. We all have a personal style and it’s helpful to understand how we come across and by seeking constructive feedback we can learn about ourselves and modify our tone, style, language. We can learn to explore different communication platforms.
Similarly, we can be more effective with engaging and managing challenging conversations and to create positive outcomes. In turn this also improves our relationships, reduces stress and mental ill-health and creates environments that are happier, healthier, and more inclusive. So, find the Time to Talk, listen and change Lives. And why not start today?
